Hi, I hope you all don't mind me posting here to get some help and advice (and comfort too). My little 13 month old girl was run over by a car two days ago and my grief is beyond words. apparently she immediately ran away but then died later and couldn't make it home to me and I did not know until over an hour later. The guilt I feel is unbearable.
I have another boy Bengal, Aero who is her sibling and I'm in turmoil as to what to do. They have been together from day one and although grown apart a little (totally different personalities) they always rough and tumble and Tonic always used to lick and groom Aero like mother hen. I can't tell if he pines or whether to get another playmate or whether this would be completely the wrong thing to do as they are territorial. I also am beside myself as to whether to let him outside again (they both had trackers but liked to go to the woodland over 'the road') Aero did get knocked by a car 2 weeks before (in the same spot that Tonic was hit) but was completely fine after a trip to the emergency vets. I kept them both in for a week but they were going stir crazy and I do play with them as much as I am able. I have built climbing poles to the ceiling and got lots of toys etc. I just know he will be bored if I keep him in after having experienced the great outdoors. I'm absolutely devastated at losing my Ton-Tons and it just breaks my heart to not know what to do for the best anymore for Aero. Any help would be so greatly appreciated. if any of you have experienced this too what did you do and how did things turn out? Thank you

I am so sorry about your baby. Since your other one has had a close call, please consider another way to keep him safe outside. Hundreds of pets are hit and killed by cars daily.

Cats do grieve. I honestly don't know your complete situation. It is probably better to wait before adding another kitty. Let the household settle in without your other kitty first.

Unfortunately, once a kitty experiences the outdoors, it is next to impossible to keep them inside. My bengal was a free-roaming cat for the first six years of his life. Then I became his owner. Since he loved to pick fights with other neighborhood cats and wound up on the losing end with infections and a torn ear, I decided to not allow him that option. It was two weeks of constant meowing, so I bought a harness and leash and started taking him out on walks. We do a morning walk and a late afternoon walk. We also built a 12'x12' enclosure on our deck he can access 24/7. It is not the perfect solution, according to Raiden, but it keeps him safe. He does still occasionally slip out the door but he stops once he gets outside and I can gather him up. Thankfully, when he sees a car, he runs the other way.

It is heartbreaking to lose a furry friend. They truly do not know the dangers of being outdoors and it seems you have quite a few cars coming down the road. With one hit and killed by a car and the other one hit by a car ... it is up to you to keep them away from the dangerous roadway. It would be devastating to lose your other baby.

Again, my deepest sympathy on your loss.

Thank you so much Sherry for your own experience and advice. I completely agree re the safety issue, and yes with Aero having a close call too I couldnt bear to lose him as well. The daft thing is it's not a busy road or area and I had 2 cats (non-bengals) who lived free roaming for 16 and 17 years and never had a road accident, so for me giving these two their freedom was something I did research and question but was more on the side for allowing them. I have a lovely little garden that I am looking into getting cat proofed so he is not without some freedom.

As for the lead, I have one and when it is on, he crawls along on his tummy as if restricted and stops and meows out of protest. Also the minute he sees a dog he bolts! How can I get him to adjust to this now? He is a very clever boy and can do tricks like sitting when I say sit for treats and fetches baubles (not even introduced with treats, just a game he started lol) and I would say has much potential, but I don't want to use treats only for the fact that he may associate them with a now bad outside experience? However if this is the way forward then I will use them. I am very patient with him and I put it on him for short periods to get used to and then give him a little butter or chicken but I'm not sure how to do this outside with him as he turns his nose up! Any thoughts with the lead training please?

Yes I will definitely let the house settle for a while before considering a new playmate (he was always dominant anyway) He's not happy I'm certain of it I just wish I could explain to him :'(

Thank you again x

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The little monsters 3

Since you used the word "daft" in your response, I take it you are in the UK where they pretty much allow their bengals to roam free. They are big on saying there are no "natural predators," but fail to mention cars.

To get a cat to walk on a leash, they must be completely comfortable in wearing the harness, so it is important to get them use to it while inside and you don't take them out on a leash until they are comfortable walking with the harness on. You have a garden, so that would be the first and only place to take Aero until he gains the confidence to go farther. As for the training, just try to distract him with a treat or toys. Once they realize they can actually walk while wearing the harness, they are okay.

The type of harness you use is important. Either a walking harness or a figure H harness. And it must be tight enough so the kitty cannot escape out of it. My bengal just lays down when he sees a dog but the other day, we did have a dog off leash that came running over to Raiden and he hissed up a storm. The dog was about his size.

If you can cat proof your garden, that would be great. They do make portable enclosures that would allow Aero to be outside and safe. Check with Amazon in your area. It really doesn't matter how many cars come down your road, it only takes ONE to do the damage, as you know.

Google can be your friend in finding what can keep your kitty safe.

Give Areo extra kitty hugs and kisses from all of us. One close call for him is enough.

I agree, thank you again for all your help and yes I am in the UK. I have already bought the materials for my garden now and Aero is trialling the lead in the house for tiny amounts each day now. I am absolutely devastated for the loss of our darling Ton-Tons and finding it very difficult to function although I am trying to be as normal around Aero as possible. I have no intention yet of getting another kitty I just wanted to find out what other people did if they had been in a similar situation and how things worked out. I do have a good relationship with the breeder. I know it is not the right thing to do for my baby at the moment. I have always researched and wanted to do the very best for my two and I truly am heartbroken. I am laying Tonic to rest tomorrow and then will be moving forward sadly but safely with my boy.
Thank you again x

Just know we are here if you need us. {{{HUGS}}}

Sorry for your loss :(

My parents have indoor/outdoor kitties, and that is how I grew up. Most of them lived to a ripe old age but they did lose animals to the road. A very small amount compared to how many they have owned through the years.

That being said, all my kitties are indoor only unless on a leash. They all hated the harness but eventually learn that the harness means they get to go outside so they eventually get excited when I take it out. Indoor cats are more work since I need to exercise them more physically and mentally and walk them but I feel good knowing they are safe. I just would worry every moment something bad might happen if they were allowed outdoors alone. Even if I only lost 1 cat in every 20, 1 cat is too many.

It is just extremely difficult, but not impossible, to make an outdoor cat an indoor cat only. It takes time, patience and when you have a bengal, you have to listen to them yowl at the top of their lungs to go out. It is easier to make an outdoor space completely safe for them. Know they can squeeze through the smallest of holes and be on their way. My DSH has been an outdoor cat with his previous owner and he will tear down the exterior doors to get back outside. I worry about him all the time but we live in a quiet part of the subdivision and on a dead-end street. Still, we have cars, but he tends to run into a yard when he sees one. Doesn't mean he won't ever get hit. He sticks close to home, comes to me when he sees me or hears me call him. My bengal would never do that, thus, he has to be confined to a leash or the enclosure.

Spanky lost his sister Sparky at age 13 and he really pouted and was depressed. He was cured with a brother and sister Bengal pair. It is true that it took many months for them to get used to each other but it really energized Spanky and the kits loved having someone to watch and bother! Another kit is a good idea, he is very lonely without her and needs someone to play, wrestle, explore and chase with.

Thank you Ptolemy, I appreciate your input. :-)